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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29302557">the loosing game</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soranpreath/pseuds/soranpreath'>soranpreath</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Women's Soccer RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cancer, F/F, Fluff and Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:35:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,461</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29302557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soranpreath/pseuds/soranpreath</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>emily gets sick and they rush to the hospital only to find out she has stage three cancer. </p><p>i promise it’s gonna be a happy ending.</p><p>ps i suck at summaries and grammar so point anything out that needs changing</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the diagnosis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lindsey started to worry when Sonnett stayed in the bathroom longer than usual. She walked over, unassuming, but when she got closer, it sounded like someone was gagging. She opened the door quickly, not worried about seeing Sonnett naked or anything, but found her throwing up.<br/>
“Oh babe, oh baby it’s okay” she said as she ran to grab Sonnett’s hair to hold back as she threw up. They stayed there for an hour or two, between Lindsey rubbing Sonnett’s back or holding her hair as she threw up, and stroking her hair as she laid on their tile bathroom floor.<br/>
Lindsey started to get worried when Sonnett looked pale and started to wheeze when she breathed.<br/>
“Em, my love I think it’s time. We need to go to the ER.”<br/>
Sonnett nodded weakly. Lindsey grabbed a hoodie for her and a blanket for Sonnett, who started to shake.<br/>
“Tobes? Yeah it’s Lindsey. Hey I have a favor to ask. Can you come by the apartment and drive Sonny and I to the ER? Yeah, no we are okay. I’ll explain when you get here. Just come soon”</p><p>20 minutes later Tobin and Christen both showed up at Lindsey’s door, and it killed her to leave Emily, but she had to unlock the door and keep the dogs from barking too much.<br/>
“Hey guys. Thanks so much for coming” Lindsey said.<br/>
“Linds, of course” Christen replied. “Is everything okay?”<br/>
“I’m not sure what’s up with Emily, but shes been throwing up for hours now. It’s not like her and I didn’t know what to do.”<br/>
Tobin rubbed Lindsey’s arm, sharing a knowing look with Christen-she rarely called her Emily, unless it was something serious-and said, “Okay Linds, it’s gonna be okay. How about I drive you guys down to Portland General, and Chris, you stay with the dogs?”</p><p>Lindsey looked so relived, “You guys don’t mind?”<br/>
“Lindsey of course not. Not at all. I’ll stay here and play with these two and catch up on some T.V.” Christen said as she bent down to give Bagel an ear scratch. </p><p>Lindsey walked over to the bathroom where Sonnett still laid, and picked her up, bride style. “You’re going to be okay Em, I promise” she whispered into Sonnett’s ear, and noticed her forehead felt very hot. She was glad they were going to get her checked out. </p><p>As Tobin drove, Lindsey held Emily in the back switching between stroking her hair, and planting kisses on her forehead. When they got to the emergency room, the nurse would only let Lindsey come back with her because of COVID, so Tobin graciously waited in the waiting room. </p><p>Once they got back, and after Lindsey had explained what was going on, the nurse hooked Sonnett up to numerous pieces of equipment. She started an IV, and rehydrated her to make up for the hours of throwing up. She also gave her some oxygen, and when she put oxygen nubbles in Sonny’s nose and she gasped like she just took her first breath of air out of the womb. Her breathing began to regulate, and Lindsey silently thanked the God she wasn’t sure she believed in. The nurse came in again and took Sonnett away for an ultrasound and CT scan, and while she did Lindsey played mindless games on her phone. </p><p>Tobito: hey any news?</p><p>Lindsey Horan: No, not yet they just took her for some more tests. </p><p>Tobito: ok just keep me updated linds. it’s gonna be okay</p><p>The nurse returned, and with her she brought a cup of coffee for Lindsey, along with a sleepy Emily in a wheelchair. “We’ve decided to admit her, just for now to figure out what’s going on.  Someone should be down soon to take you to her room.”</p><p>Lindsey Horan: They are taking us to room 336B, they said you can come up if you want. </p><p>Tobito: already on my way. </p><p>Tobin, being the savior she was grabbed dinner from the cafeteria for the both of them, so Lindsey wouldn’t have to leave Sonnett’s side. It was around 3:00AM when the doctor finally came into their room, and Tobin had to shake Lindsey awake because she was so far deep in her slumber. Lindsey then woke Emily up with a gentle kiss on her forehead. </p><p>“Hey y’all sorry to keep you waiting for so long. I’m Doctor Penia, general surgeon on call. We had a motorcycle crash and didn’t get someone to send your lab results in until just over an hour ago. Now, this is going to sound scary, but we found a mass in Emily’s esophagus. It’s probably nothing, but we’d like to take her for a biopsy now to rule out anything serious.”<br/>
“Now?” Lindsey questioned, “at 3AM?”<br/>
The doctor looked over at her with sympathetic eyes, “Unfortunately yes, but it will only take a half hour or so. I’ll have Ms. Sonnett’s night nurse come get her in about ten minutes.”</p><p>For the next ten minutes, while Emily was still awake Lindsey kept a brave face on, but as soon as she left for surgery, she broke down in Tobin’s arms. </p><p>“Tobin what if it’s serious?” she asked inbetween shudders.<br/>
“Linds we can’t worry until we absolutely have to. You should get some rest I bet you’re exhausted” Tobin said, as she reached for her phone to update Christen, who was still at the apartment with the dogs.<br/>
Lindsey slept for about an hour, but woke up when the nurse finally brought Emily back, who looked smaller than ever in the shadows of the hallway and in the hospital gown that was too big. After the nurse helped Emily get into bed and adjusted her IV, Lindsey climbed into bed with her, and they slept like that until morning came. </p><p>Emily woke up around 8AM, and was surprised to see Christen instead of Tobin in the pullout chair. “Hey Sonny, how ya feeling? Tobin just went to shower and grab some clothes for Lindsey, they said you might be here for a few days, she just wanted to be prepared.”<br/>
Sonnett gave her a warm, but weak smile and snuggled back into Lindsey. She fell asleep for what felt like five minutes, but awoke to a sharp knock on the door when the doctor came in around 9:30.<br/>
“Emily Sonnett? Hi, I’m Doctor Manning, the oncology surgeon for Portland Gen. Mind if we talk to you?” she said as she pointed to a handful of residents waiting outside of the doorway.<br/>
Sonnett nodded, and when the doctor asked if she wanted Lindsey and Christen to leave, Emily replied, “No, I want them here if they can be.”</p><p>“Emily, unfortunately we have some bad news. When Dr. Penia did the biopsy, we found cancer. It’s a lymph node cancer in your esophagus and unfortunately it’s already progressed to stage three. I feel that we need to start on chemotherapy and radiation, because you will need surgery, and chemo will help shrink the tumor. I understand this is a bunch of news to digest. I’m going to have one of my residents grab some vitals from you, but after that we will leave you to talk. I’ll be back in about an hour to discuss further treatment”</p><p>Emily, Lindsey, and Christen were all shocked. They thanked Doctor Manning, but sat speechless until another knock at the door came. This time, it was only Tobin, who stood cheerfully with a tray of coffees. When she saw the looks on everyone’s faces though, she came into the room, shut the door, and placed rhen coffee tray on Emily’s bedside table. </p><p>“It’s cancer. Stage three” Emily said weakly. Tobin came over and gave her a big hug, “Oh god Son, I’m so so sorry. Do you want a moment alone with Lindsey?”<br/>
Emily shrugged, not caring whether everyone was here or not, just wanting Lindsey by her side. </p><p>“Well I have to run to the bathroom and Tobes, you should probably call Mark and Vlatko.” Christen said as she stood up.<br/>
They left the room and Emily and Lindsey sat, foreheads pressed together tears streaming down both of their faces.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. sonnett strong #16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>if you can’t tell i suck at chapter titles as well. enjoy this random work i wrote at 9 at night. no hate comments please, i already know i cant write</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“-and set you up with radiation twice a week along with chemo every week day. I know you’re a professional athlete so we want you back on your feet as soon as possible. Now for radiation we will be using..” Emily zoned out as Doctor Manning explained the plan to them in her hospital room. Sonnett looked at the whiteboard where her day nurse had written all of her information. She then glanced over at Lindsey who sat listening intently, with a serious look on her face. Emily grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. Both Lindsey and the doctor looked at her, so she assumed someone had asked her a question she didn’t hear. “Uh, sorry could you repeat that?” Sonnett asked. </p><p>Doctor Manning was patient, and did, “We found a pretty serious infection in your lungs, which was making you throw up and making it hard for you to breathe. We need to go in and do surgery to clean out the infection. I’m free to book the OR for today at noontime if that’s okay with you.”</p><p>Emily replied back, trying to be funny, using humor as her way of coping, “well I’ve got nowhere else to be.” The other two gave weak laughs. <br/>Doctor Manning left and Lindsey came back over to the hospital bed and crawled in. They laid there together embracing the intimacy before Emily’s nurse came to take her to pre-op. <br/>After Emily was gone, Lindsey sat down and called Kelley. </p><p>“Miss me already? Lindsey it’s only been two weeks since our last camp.” Kelley joked. <br/>“Kelley I have to tell you something” Lindsey replied in a shaky voice. <br/>“Lindsey what did you do? Is everyone okay?” Kelly asked in an accusatory tone. <br/>“Actually no. Kelley, Em has cancer. It’s stage three in her esophagus. They just found it today, and she starts chemo tomorrow. She has to get surgery though, she’s getting that now, for an infection in her lungs.”<br/>The line was silent. <br/>In a voice that said that Kelly was trying to be strong for Lindsey, she said, “Let me see what the next flight out I can take is. Text me when she’s out of surgery. I’ll send you my flight details as soon as I can get them. You’ve gotta be strong for her Lindsey though. No crying in front of her, you have to be the strong one here”. Tobin and Christen came in the room after Lindsey had hung up the phone with Kelley. Christen spoke first, in a soft voice saying “I’ve called Emma. She’s going to let the rest of her family know. I figured that would be easier than you having to call them all.” Lindsey gave Christen a huge hug. <br/>They all waited until Sonnett came back from surgery. When she did, she was still sedated so they couldn’t speak to her until she woke up. When she did, she was very tired, so she and Lindsey just cuddled in her bed while Tobin and Christen worked on their computers. </p><p>Then the next morning came. Emily’s first day of chemotherapy. She got a special port in her chest for the chemo to go directly in, and the nurses kept coming in to change bags that went directly into Sonnett’s chest. Lindsey stayed by her side the entire time, while Tobin and Christen went back to their apartment, promising to stop by for dinner. Emily threw up three times, which the nurses said was a response to the chemo. After the final bag of yellow liquid finished draining into her chest, Emily dozed off. Lindsey did some research on the esophageal tumor Emily had, and saw a 60% survival rate for stage 3. She broke down, and Tobin had to come from her apartment to calm her down. </p><p>Kelly flew in the next day. She stayed with Tobin and Christen until around 10, when she headed over to the hospital. What she was not expecting was to see Sonnett thinner than Kelley thought possible. Sonnett was always skin and bones, but now she looked so fragile and frail, like a paper clip could snap her bones in half. She gave her a big hug, and stayed with her for Sonnett’s second round of chemo, insisting Lindsey go home and shower. </p><p>It became a routine, Lindsey staying most, if not all of the day with Sonnett, while one of the others rotated. One day, while Lindsey was cooling off on a walk, the doctor came in to talk to emily about freezing her eggs. When Lindsey came back, Emily brought it up. “She said that if I want to have kids I should probably freeze some eggs before I go through my next round of chemo. What do you think Linds? Should I?”<br/>“You, you want to have kids with me?”<br/>“Of course Linessi don’t be silly. I’ll tell Doctor Manning to go ahead, it can’t hurt.”</p><p>-</p><p>The day of the surgery brought tension. Lindsey knew that this could be what sent Emily into remission, or what would spark another round of brutal chemo. Kelley, Christen and Tobin all came to support Emily, and stayed the entire day, keeping Lindsey company. The doctor came out, and explained that the surgery was a success, but they wouldn’t know if they got the entire tumor until Sonnett’s scans were back. </p><p>Once Emily got back from getting more scans, she was exhausted, and still had another radio therapy session scheduled. So, Lindsey didn’t see much of her that day, until she came back after dinner. Lindsey got into her bed and they cuddled, just like every other night, this becoming their new routine. </p><p>The next morning, Doctor Manning came in with a smile on her face. “We’ve just found out that the surgery was a success. Emily needs to stay two more days for two more rounds of chemotherapy, but after that I feel comfortable discharging her into the hands of the Thorns medical staff.”</p><p>Kelley stayed with Emily for the second to last day of chemo, while Lindsey rested at Tobin and Christen’s apartment which was closer to Portland Gen than Lindsey’s was. Lindsey came back for dinner, and stayed the final day with Emily. Once she was discharged, she was placed on bed rest for a week, which Lindsey was happy to have be in their bedroom in their apartment, instead of in the hospital bed. </p><p>Kelly flew home, and Tobin and Christen returned to their daily lives, while Lindsey took care of Emily for that next week. It became their nightly ritual to cuddle up in bed together, sometimes with the TV on (greys anatomy of course), sometimes just the two of them and the dogs. Once they got the all clear from the doctor, Lindsey helped Sonnett return to her training, and finally they got to have their first game back together. Everyone from both teams had warmups on with the backs saying “Sonnett strong #16”. It was only fitting that Emily scored that game, with a perfect assist from Lindsey.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>also can’t write endings, but i tried. thanks for reading, i hope i got your mind off of this crazy world we are living in right now</p><p>join me on tumblr if you want too @soranpreath</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. soon you’ll get better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a third part to this series i wasn't planning on updating....<br/>the sequel where emily's cancer comes back<br/>p.s. song lyrics are soon you’ll get better by taylor swift</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In doctor's-office-lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That was the first time we were there</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I say to you</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t want to be back here. The Portland General Oncology Wing that Sonnett had spent weeks in before. They didn’t want to be back in the place that Sonnett had fought so hard to get out of. But then when she started getting red splotches all over her skin, she started to worry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Emily didn’t tell Lindsey at first. She didn’t want to be right in thinking the cancer had come back. So, she went to training. She made it almost a week with twice-a-days in preparation for the season before her body started to give out. She found herself in the bathroom during water breaks, throwing up her breakfast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Tobin who found her one day. Lindsey had been getting treatment for her calf, and Emily took the break from her constant observation. She knew Lindsey was just glad she was back and was worried about her over-doing it, but Emily needed a break from feeling Lindsey’s eyes constantly on her every once in a while. So, when Tobin needed to fill up her water bottle and found Emily sitting against the wall with her eyes closed, she felt her stomach drop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Tobin, who went with Emily to see Dr. Manning, following Emily’s wishes not to tell Lindsey until they were sure. But, when Doctor Manning came in with a look just like the last time, Emily and Tobin shared a glance. “Hey Doctor Manning, I’m gonna call Emily’s girlfriend before you tell us the news. She’s 5 minutes away.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>The doctor nodded and left the room.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Cause you have to</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey had been at a physical therapy appointment, and had stopped to get coffees for her and Sonnett when her phone rang. She frowned when she saw it was Tobin, the same Tobin who always texted before she called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tobes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Linds. We’re at Doctor Manning’s office. It’s me and Em. She didn’t call you before because she didn’t want to worry you, but I think she needs you here.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Tobin then realized she was talking to a hung-up Lindsey, who had already ran back to her car to drive to the doctor’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she got there, an orderly took her back to the exam room where Emily was. Tears streaming down her face, as she cried silently, Emily looked up pleading to Lindsey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lindsey wrapped her in a hug, kissing her forehead. “Oh Em, Em it’s okay. It’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doctor Manning then came in, and told them what they all had feared. The cancer was back. Not only was it back, but it had spread to her lung.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>What they had spent so long fighting had come back in a matter of moments. She would have to start chem again, and radiation. She would have to spend days, fatigued, not able to move while Lindsey took care of her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know delusion when I see it in the mirror</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I just pretend it isn't real</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I'll say to you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Cause you have to</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Lindsey took a leave again from the Thorns. They released a statement to the media saying that she had a family matter to deal with and would be taking a leave. They also released a statement that Sonnett would also be taking a leave to deal with a health matter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first day Emily had chemo at the hospital, Lindsey packed everything she thought they would need. She made Emily wear one of her giant Rush hoodies, because she knew that Sonnett always got cold during chemo. She packed her iPad so that they could watch grey’s together, and then brought a blanket for herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This round of chemo was more aggressive than the last. Sonnett spent her sessions either shivering because she felt freezing cold, or having her entire body soaked in sweat. But, she never complained. She never told Lindsey how hard this fight was, but Lindsey knew her well enough. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I hate to make this all about me</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But who am I supposed to talk to?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What am I supposed to do</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If there's no you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily went through four more weeks of chemo, before Doctor Manning was able to remove the two tumors-the one on her esophagus and the one on her lung.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the surgery, Emily coded on the table. They got her back, but she had to stay in a medically induced coma for three days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobin stayed with Lindsey any time she wasn’t in training. Lindsey didn’t leave Emily’s side. She promised her she wouldn’t leave her side until she woke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did wake up, though. She woke up, and she was back in remission. Doctor Manning got the tumors, and Emily would have a long road back to soccer, but she was in remission.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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